Venusberg | That's not your heart, it's a piece of helicopter casing

Thursday, March 31, 2005

According to Jonathan King's lawyer, "(King) has been granted parole by a parole board who don't necessarily have any love for Jonathan King." Presumably the message he is trying to get across here is that the parole board released him despite not being a group of starstruck Jonathan King fans, but it does lead on to the question of how many people currently qualified to serve on a parole board currently have any love for Jonathan King. That's any love whatsoever for Jonathan King. Bear in mind when considering this question in particular his currently-standing conviction for molesting teenage boys, and also his cover version of "It Only Takes a Minute". How many parole officers would be in danger of leaping the desk, pumping his hand enthusiastically and crying out "Jonathan! It's an honour finally to meet you. Father Abraphart and the Smurps? Classic! Don't you worry, Jono - we'll have you out of here in two shakes of a lamb's tail." Is that the kind of danger we need to guard against in the modern probation service?

Elsewhere, as we learn that the current exploitation of the Earth's resources is endangering future generations and potentially outstripping our host's ability to replenish itself, as if for the first time, let's not lose track of the important things. Like always returning promptly your friend's dragon sword, and certainly not flogging it on eBay. At various times I have pondered whether it would make good financial sense to quit my job and instead capture and sell l3wt full-time, but it is beginning to sound too damn risky, so I guess I might just have to keep the UN peacekeeper gig. At least the helmets are stylin'.

So, that's all good. Meanwhile, Zimbabwe goes to the polls today, in a fascinating contest where mass turnouts may yet oust the oh, who are we kidding? The Zimbabwean constitution is refreshing in its approach to electoral systems by actually having corruption built into the constitution, with 30 seats in Parliament being within the gift of one Robert Mugabe. Crazy 'tache, crazy guy. Interestingly, the Zanu-PF party has centred its campaigning on the idea that the MDC is funded by Tony Blair - slogans have included "Bury Blair". This is perhaps the only policy where Robert Mugabe and Brian Eno find themselves sharing a stump. Which is a shame, because even the briefest consideration reveals that duo as a potential supergroup for the twenty-first century. Eno's instrumentation combined with Mugabe's vocals... it could be "Lodger" all over again.

Speaking of oppressive dictatorships, the official North Korean news site is purely belter. Since North Korea has yet to get itself together to administrate its own national web listing, it is hosted in Japan, as in decadent, aggressive imperial power Japan. Genius. The DPRK is probably the only nation to have a .com homepage.

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