Saturday, September 25, 2004
A further question. Sith lords. There are only ever two of them, the junior partner of which has to be voiced by another actor. Presumably when one Sith lord is killed, another takes his place. That is, there is a junior Sith society, or a feeder club, or possibly Sith middle management. So, Darth Maul gets cut in half, Count Dooku takes the stage. This might also help to explain why the vast numerical superiority of the Jedi has never been exploited by killing the shit out of the only living Sith lords in New York - there'll be another one along in a minute.

Still. It must have been terribly frustrating for poor Count Dooku, getting older and older in his position in middle management as young Sith turks are fast-tracked into being deputy Sith lord. I mean, the guy is ancient. All the other young Sith must have wondered why, after his long years of service, he was still stuck on the fourth floor, corner office or no. Rumours of some scandal, perhaps involving Darth Sidious' wife. Or could he just not handle the pressure?

And as Darth Maul zigged and zagged simultaneously, Count Dooku was straightening his tie in the non-executive's bathroom and staring at himself in the mirror. The lines on his face, the crinkles around his eyes from smiling (at the pain of innocents), the liver spots on his evil, evil strangly hands. Another day. Another day of mislaying his reading glasses, of idly wondering what Darth Sidioue is doing now, of thinking how he was once as young as Darth Maul, a young Sith with a head full of dreams. Suddenly, he realises that he has been staring, staring into the mirror for ten minutes. Time to get a coffee. Time to get through the day again.

And then the email.

Dear Dooku,

Due to the unfortunate bisection of Darth Maul, the position of junior Darth has become available. We would like to offer you this position, with the concomitant benefits and evil. Please respond immediately.

Yours sincerely,

Sidious,
Senior Darth,
The Sith

P.S This was not my idea - HR forced my hand. Come near my wife and I fuck you up oldschool.


Do you think the other Sith got him a leaving gift? I hope so.

3 Comments:

Dude, as you clearly haven't played Star Wars: Knights Of The Old Republic and thus gained its concommitant access into the sordid bureaucratic underbelly of the Sith menace I'll let you off with a warning. But suffice it to say your scenario is very much as Lucas seems to envisage the process, which for a sci-fi concept is amazingly shit. I mean god in KoTOR you go to Sith *Academy* for gods sake and there's a sith who's trying to be quite a lot like Malfoy and anther who seems to be a schemeing slashtastic McGonnagal in semi-bondage gear and an unquenchable thirst for power. And that, plus the sheer numbers of junior Dark Jedi you have to wade through on the final level... Well, your insight is preternaturally good.

By Blogger Nick Richards, at 10:19 AM  

As me old buddy Unclef*cker has pointed out (translated from the geekspeak):

"Ah, the classic misinterpretation of that line.

Yoda was in fact referring to the fact that each Sith is either a master or a student. There are therefore no lone Sith. Rather than there only being two, he is saying that they always come in pairs. So I guess there's always an even number of Sith, which must make splitting the bill easier when it comes to birthday curries and Sithmas dinner."

By Blogger Jack, at 1:03 PM  

But that's just silly. First up, if every Sith is either a master or a student, what sort of career progression is there? I mean, the Jedi have an academy, a council of elders-resemblin' room, that sort of thing. What's the incentive?

Second, does that mean that Dooku *is* a master, in which case where is his student (Jedi travel in pairs, as a rule, and I assume that Darth Almeidious not doing so was because of his Senate duties)? OR is he a student, presumably Darth Almeidious' new student, in which case which the Hell lesson was he having trouble passing for the last seventy years?

Or does Darth Almeidious not get another student after Darth Benzie got totally killed? As a sort of incentive not to burn down your Sith apprentices for the insurance?

By Blogger Dan, at 4:37 PM  

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