| Monday, May 31, 2004 |
 | US Army still not doing great on handling gay men and lesbians. Busy handling genitalia of prisoners. But not in a gay way.
This is obviously not good - given the need for warm bodies to be thrown into Iraq, the US Army needs to make a clear stand on the fact that it really doesn't matter what colour, creed or sexuality they are, as long as they are ready and willing to go into battle with the liberated and grateful people of Iraq. Hang on, I think I missed a bit there. As long as they are ready and willing to go into battle against foreign insurgents and agents of foreign powers in the defence of and arm in arm with the liberated and grateful people of Iraq.
So, there is only one possible solution, if we are to maintain the integrity of the "don't ask, don't tell" policy. In future, gay and lesbian servicemen and women will have to conduct their affairs without letting on to the people that tey are in fact gay or lesbian. This is going to be a challenge, not least because the immediately obvious gambit - the Twelfth Night - is contraindicated by the suspicion that cross-dressing may actually be interpreted as a form of telling. So, the options must be either never actually giving your partner any indication of your gender (for which, see my free leaflet Doing it behind their backs - loving without learning), or, which is perhaps riskier but more rewarding, convincing the non-military partner that they are in fact a woman (if they are a man) or a man (if there are a woman). Although physiologically awkward, this should prove vocationally rewarding. Shiny pocket watches and LSD will be available from the quartermaster's stores.
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