| Monday, September 02, 2002 |
 | Getting the ladies the Ricardo-Montalban-as-Khan way. This method may have little to recommend it, but it beats the shit out of seduction Red Skull stylee, which primarily involves flirting with your daughter while sitting at a piano. And simultaneously adoring and hating the villainy-frustrating deliciousness of Hostess Cream Pies, of course.
Yes, my children, there was a film of Captain America, and if memory serves Ricardo Montalban played the Red Skull, although he appears to have used one of those sexy mind-control worms from The Wrath of Khan to get his name taken off the credits. And very wise too; it's probably as a result of this sack of arse that Matt Salinger rarely even gets a role with a surname, and Bill Mumy ended up wearing his ears around his fucking neck. Plus, I have a nasty feeling that he may have written his own IMDB bio. He'd better have - otherwise there is a very, very scary man somewhere out there.
The real tragedy, however, is that J.D. Salinger was probably up for coming out of hiding, smelling the roses and doing a few interviews, when his son phoned up and gleefully said, "Dad, I know you've had your doubts about my wish to be an actor, and I know the first seventeen years haven't been the easiest, but wait 'till you hear what a plum part I've lined up! And I get to play alongisde Ned Beatty! Hey, maybe in a year's time people will be calling you "father of Matt Salinger", huh? Huh? Huh?"
And that, gentle reader, was that.
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