| Thursday, September 26, 2002 |
 | From me, writing elsewhere, trying to explain something very, very important:
Ah, Ultra Magnus. Dear, dear Ultra Magnus.
There is not a single "it" about Ultra Magnus. There are many "its". I mean, the D00d turned into a car carrier! That means his entire self was oriented towards helping his injured or exhausted collleagues to get around. That takes a lot of humility, and a lot of goodwill.
Most of the issues around Ultra Magnus centre on his brief but ill-starred leadership of the Autobots, so let's just get that out of the way first. It is worth noting that he was clearly not born to the purple. Like Avon, he only ever wanted to stand near the sexy idologically committed leader bloke, and was utterly mortified when that proximity meant he actually had to take over his raggle-taggle band of idiosyncratic warriors.
Unlike Avon, his elevation to command came as a surprise, not just to him, but to everyone. His "Prime, I'm not worthy" was not low self-esteem (although he was plagued by it, another rare thing among Transformers and much to be admired), just self-knowledge.
Let's think of it like this. The Autobots have never needed a chain of command. It's just never been an issue. The Decepticons haven't managed to kill Optimus Prime in the better part of four million years of fighting. Who knew they were going to learn how to aim their guns now? Or that they would actually hurt? How many Autobots died that day? Six? Seven? My God, that's more than the fatalities of the previous million years! Everyone's in shock, and if Prime appointed Magnus to steady the ship, he knew what he was doing, dagnabbit.
Although I can see Springer in the Autobot City Bar later that day, drunkenly slurring, "What's he got that I haven't? I was actually *doing* stuff in the battle. I even got a catchy line. 'I've got better things to do today than die'. Whaddafuck more does Prime want?
"Oh yeah. I know. It's because Ultra Magnus is a truck, isn't it? Fucking truckism! What, so if Hot Rod turned into a van, we'd all have to make him leader? Oh yeah, that would be a great idea....frigginfrassinfuckin trucks."
So. Yes. It's hardly Magnus' fault that Prime made him leader. Anybody around that table could have said "Guys. Not wishing to speak ill of the dead or anything, but...well, he was delusional. He was raving. He was on the verge of death, for God's sake. He was thinking of a *different* Ultra Magnus. Why don't we hold a quick vote?"
Also, although he never wanted the position he finds himself thrust into, Ultra Magnus, unlike Avon who nances off to spend more time with his rock, didn't shirk that responsiblity. He wasn't afraid to make the tough decisions. He wasn't afraid to blow up three-quarters of the ship (and actually, Mr. Fancy Pants heckler, the Decepticons *would* have blown up all four quarters. I mean, you know, they did anyway, but it took them longer, and that counts for a lot). He died a hero, buying time for others to escape, still fighting even though he had been let down by the one thing that, as an Autobot, he had always been raised to believe in - the Matrix of Leadership (and/or Creation Matrix). The one thing you would certainly take the time to take out of somebody's body before jetting it off into space. Yes.
In the comics (that is, the things of beauty crafted by Simon Furman), Ultra Magnus' role is yet more nuanced. Plainly oppressed by the fact that his commanding officers are perpetually either killed, crippled or kidnapped into dark dimensions full of mind-sucking parasites, and the fact that every time he comes up against his opposite number he gets his arse handed to him (little realising that, whereas he is just a Transformer who works out, Galvatron is the living embodiment of the dark power of Cybertron's Dark Opposite, and twenty years' more technologically advanced, to boot), Ultra Magnus was increasingly crippled by self-loathing and insecurity, leading him to overachieve compulsively, on one occasion to the point of very nearly executing Optimus Prime himself (all right, that was a bit toss, but what balls it must have taken!).
Ultimately, his redemption was as complete as it was heroic. Having realised that he was trapped in an abusive relationship in which Galvatron beat him and he just came back for more, occasioning a complete nervous breakdown (and how often do you see a hundred-foot tall robot having a crisis of confidence?), some handy-dandy relationship counselling from Goldbug (who had his own problems with Buster Witwicky before the sellout turned hetero) helped him to face up to a) his mortality and b) the fact that he may be Galvatron's bitch, but even a bitch can bite. The subsequent hardcore, balls-to-the-wall, walk-out-that-door-just-turn-around-now-cos-you-ain't welcome-anymore knock-down drag-out I-depend-on-me slapfest ended with the two of them entombed in flash-frozen molten rock. Entombed...and yet strangely liberated.
So, yay Ultra Magnus, really. Besides, there weren't many gay Transformers out there to provide positive role models. In fact, if there had been a few more happily out Transformers, Magnus may well have been a lot more freewheeling. Who knows?
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