Venusberg | That's not your heart, it's a piece of helicopter casing

Thursday, July 04, 2002

Our Graybo appears to be launching a bid to take advantage of Ed's tragic meltdown to make a claim for the internal non sequitur crown, henceforth to be known as the "Eurosceptics are Fat Award". Observe:

Whilst this will not have the extensive verdant appeal of last year's event (there is verdance, but less of it), it has the advantage that we will not be surrounded by people shuffling along in comfortable shoes (what's the difference between Pride and a geriatrics convention?).

The context of this is clear. Graybo is disseminating the information that, the original plan for Blogmeet having been abandoned, Hyde Park being filled with Pride, they will instead convene in Soho Square. So far so good. Unfortunately, once that fairly simple datum has been delivered, it just goes completely batshit.

First up, the comfortable shoes. Bearing in mind that Chichester apparently does not have homosexuals, reports from the frontline have clearly become garbled. Somewhere along the line, the datum that lesbians are stereotypically assumed to wear comfortable shoes has somehow become corrupted to suggest that all same-sex partnership enthusiasts gravitate naturally towards the Birkenstocks, which may surprise the odd fellow traveller.

Meanwhile, shuffling. Where in the nine worlds this came from is anyone's guess. But, it seems, homosexuals also shuffle. Conversely, heterosexuals tapdance.

Now, if we assume that Pride is therefore full of people shuffling in comfortable shoes, there may well be some resemblance to that and a geriatrics convention. Except for, you know, everything about it apart from the shuffling and the comfortable shoes.

Which, as we hope to have established, are not in themself 100% accurate signifiers of gaysexuality. So, the correct answer to the question "what's the difference between Pride and a geriatrics convention?" would be something like "welll, the average age, the intent of those convened, the music played, pretty much everything in fact, and incidentally what exactly is a geriatrics convention, a feature as alien to the urban landscape of London as queerosexuals are in Chichester?". Followed perhaps by "why doesn't it describe a meeting of practitioners of geriatric medicine, or 'geriatrics' as it is also known?". Then "or perhaps you mean that practitioners of geriatric medicine wear comfortable shoes and shuffle, as opposed to tapdance. And are therefore gay".

Which seems a curious contention, but perhaps a valid one. Have you ever met a practitioner of geriatric medicine who did not tapdance, or was not gay? Tell me

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